As I walked back to my car after running an errand, I took a moment to take in my surroundings. Above me, a perfect half moon was slowly emerging, taking the place of a crimson retreating sun. The weather, the temperature, everything was beautiful, and one could say calming. My day had gone perfectly well, despite my being a little tired, but during that brief walk, an all too familiar feeling began to surface.
It’s really difficult to describe. Imagine that very common feeling of disappointment or heartache that makes your heart/soul feel kind of heavy. Now imagine that feeling being diluted to the point where it just reaches the threshold of being felt, a “light” heavy feeling that surfaces out of the blue. It’s not fear. It’s not depression or even sadness. It’s in a class of it’s own, a feeling as if something is missing from your life or that something isn’t in place.
Of course there’s nothing actually missing, at least at the conscious level. I really am happy with my life, complete with purpose, good friends, goals, and various activities, among other things. But this feeling, this unshakable feeling, which comes and goes whether or not I’m happy, sad, or anything in between, still lingers. It feels as if something, someone is missing..
Who knows, maybe I am missing a someone (some fated friend, significant other, acquaintance, or rival). Or maybe I’m missing a something (an experience, a new purpose (already have a current one), hobby, goal, etc).
Regardless of the cause, the fact of the matter is that even as I write this post, this feeling still lingers.